Crucifixion
by Farewell
Summary: They say that the twins hunt orcs to avenge their mother. What if it's not only their mother they are avenging? What if there was another? SLASH and implied rape/torture etc. new chapter! Elrohir/Arryn, Glorfindel/Elrond. LAST CHAPTER, PLEASE REVIEW!
1. Chapter 1

Standard Disclaimer: Most of this is his; heck if it was mine, well let's just say that I certainly wouldn't be writing fanfiction to the Internet… Only Arryn is mine, and that's doubtful, too. He keeps running off with a certain elf-twin…  
  
  
Crucifixion  
  
  
Three horses galloped frantically, trying to stay ahead of the pack of orcs behind them. The copper-haired rider looked back over his shoulder and yelled for the twins to keep riding, he would stay and delay the orcs. The two brothers would have none of this, and spun their brave mounts, rushing back to help the other. With wild war cries, the three elves bit into the fell creatures, tearing wide swathes through them, leaving only dead and dying.   
  
Then, one arrow. One shot.   
  
The copper-haired elf was struck in the chest, just below his heart.  
  
An anguished cry tore through the night; Elrohir dismounted and tried to reach his fallen comrade, but to no avail. Elladan seized his tunic, and dragged him back, pulling him off the ground onto his own horse. With a backwards look, the elves fled, Elladan trying not to hear the sorrowful keening cries of his brother whom he held in front of him.  
  
*~*~*  
  
When the elves finally reached a sanctuary, they were both exhausted. Elladan carefully lifted his twin off the horse, barely able to carry him to the back of the cavern where he laid the other down on the ground, before curling up around the still body and trying vainly to sleep, imagining his friend being alive and tormented by the orcs.   
  
Elladan next awoke to his brother twisting and thrashing in his sleep. The elf turned over, trying to hold his hands, hold him still, comfort him, anything.   
  
With a murderous glare, Elrohir awoke, and immediately focused his look on his twin. "*You,*" he hissed. "You took me away from him! Why, Elladan? I could have saved him! I was so close... and you took me away!"  
  
Elladan felt tears spill down his cheeks. "Please, Elrohir, I had to... don't you see? They would have captured all of us, and then who would have saved *us*? This way..." he faltered. He had no idea what he could say to placate his twin. "This way, we can go to Father, he can send a guard with us, we can rescue him!"  
  
"And what if we are not in time, *Brother*? What then?" Elrohir was almost screaming in his grief, torn between wanting to rush back out to save his lover, and seeing the sense in Elladan's words.   
  
"We will be in time. We will rescue Arryn, and he will be alright, if a little battered." Elladan tried to smile reassuringly at his brother. "Let us go now to Imladris. The sooner we get there, the sooner we can get to Arryn."  
  
Elrohir was on his feet in an instant. "Hurry, then Elladan!" He ran to the front of the cave, where the horse was standing quietly. The twin paused for a moment, before he walked up to the mare, rubbing her neck comfortingly. "You lost your friends, didn't you?' He whispered to her. She turned large, sad eyes to him, and then nudged him with her nose. "I know," he whispered in response. "So did I. And I fear that I shall be too late..."  
  
Elladan came up behind him, putting a hand on his shoulder. "They fought bravely, even after we left them. The last I saw of them, they were surrounding Arryn, keeping the orcs away as best they could."   
  
The soft-spoken words nearly sent him into tears, and he shrugged off his brother's touch to lightly spring up onto the mare's back. He held a hand down to his twin, hauling him up behind himself. "Then let us go quickly, so we can be sure that their sacrifice was not in vain." 


	2. Chapter 2

Once the twins arrived in Imladris, and explained the situation to their father, Elrond quickly went into action, reminding the Elders around him that he had been, and still was, an elf that did not take threats on his family lightly. The best guards were organized, armed, and set to preparing for a raid on the orcs.   
  
Elrond found a quiet moment to speak to Elladan, and knowing that something was vastly bothering the elf. Elrond asked him what troubled him and the reply gravened the ancient elf.  
  
"I fear for Elrohir, Ada." Elladan looked up beseechingly at his father. "I do not believe that we will find Arryn alive, and if we do, I am terrified to think of the shape he will be in. Elrohir loves Arryn. If he is dead, I believe that Elrohir will lose his mind. He already grieves deeply for being unable to save him from capture."  
  
"What do you suggest?" Elrond's deep voice was calm.   
  
"Can you ask him, Ada, to stay home from this hunt? I do not wish him to see Arryn's body- he would not be able to survive that." Elladan felt guilt for deciding this for his brother, but he knew his words to be true.   
  
And so it was done. The party left Imladris with no fanfare but well wishes, and the promise to bring back Arryn, no matter his condition. Elrohir sat alone high up on the tower, praying for his beloved.  
  
For six days, it was thus, Elrohir watching all day for signs of the party returning home with an injured elf. For six days, Elrohir slept little, and ate less, worried sick with fear for his family and his lover.   
  
Finally, the sharp-eyed elf spied rising dust in the distance. With an overjoyed whoop, he leapt down from the tower, running full tilt to the courtyard where the company would soon enter. It never crossed his mind that the returning elves could be bringing bad tidings. They couldn't be, his mind told him. They just couldn't be. Arryn will be with them, safe, just as Elladan said he would be, and all will be well again.  
  
Unable to contain himself, Elrohir ran as fast as he could down the road to meet the party. Skidding to a stop beside his father, he mumbled a quick greeting, all the time looking wildly around for Arryn. When he spotted the redheaded pale figure being supported by one of the guards, he cried out in alarm and tried to run to him.  
  
Elladan swung down off his horse, and caught his twin around the waist. "No, Elrohir, don't."   
  
The quiet, sorrowful words paused the struggling elf. Stunned, Elrohir turned to his brother, looking into they eyes so like his own. "What has happened to him, Brother? What gives you all such sorrow in your eyes?"  
  
It was Elrond who finally spoke. "He is not well, my son. We shall have to see how he recovers. Until then, please, stay away from him. I don't want you to get hurt."  
  
"Hurt?" Elrohir was incredulous. "Arryn would never harm me!"   
  
Elladan shook his head. "He is not... he is not the same, my brother. Please, just for now, believe us. When we get him to the Halls of Healing, we will see." He gave his twin a leg up into the saddle, swinging up behind him.   
  
Elrohir made no more protests, but continued to look back at the body of his love, so still, so pale.   
  
This can't be... he thought despairingly. This cannot be.  
  
*~*~*  
  
Elrond settled the injured elf as best he could, tending to his physical injuries easily: the chest wound was cleaned out and a poultice put on it, various cuts and scrapes easily dealt with. The great lord was disturbed at the blood, fresh and old, caking his thighs; when he turned the redhead over he quickly saw the reason for it. Applying an aloe to the riven flesh, he cleaned away the blood efficiently, getting rid of any traces that Elrohir may find. His son would have enough to deal with upon the injured one's awakening, he would not add a rape the victim would not remember to his anguish.   
  
Elladan, who was telling his brother of the situation in which they found Arryn, was currently detaining Elrohir in the next room. Elrond only hoped that the younger twin was not making light of any of the situations, it had been a long, hard battle, but the elves had been very lucky: they only lost one warrior.   
  
The ancient elf finished wrapping the slash on Arryn's thigh, and wandered over to his shelves, looking for a sedative. He found the red substance, and pried the other's mouth open, before dribbling some of it down his throat. The elf swallowed reflexively, and Elrond heaved a sigh of relief. The sedative should keep Arryn sleeping peacefully for at least a day, allowing Elrond to have a rest after breaking the news to his son.   
  
The lord replaced the stopper, and put the bottle back on the shelf. He went over to the door and called his sons in. The two filed in silently, Elladan giving his father a harassed look. Elrond smiled a bit at that, then turned to look at Elrohir. He was a sight indeed.  
  
Red-rimmed eyes stared at him hollowly, deep bags giving testimony to the sleep that Elrohir did not get while the party was away. He fairly swayed with exhaustion, and Elrond could not bear to tell his son now. Better that he sleep a little, and receive the news with a level head. He cupped his son's cheek in his hand, smiling a little. "Arryn is asleep now, and will probably stay that way for a good while. Why don't you get some rest as well?"  
  
Elrohir shook his head defiantly. "I will not leave him."  
  
Elrond smiled sadly. "I know you will not. I meant, take a bed in the room here. Sleep here tonight; Arryn will feel you near-it will comfort him."  
  
Elrohir nodded at that, and stumbled to the bed nearest his lover, falling onto it and pulling the blanket up to his chin. He was asleep almost immediately.  
  
Elladan turned to his father, keeping his voice low. "Are you sure that is a good idea, Father? I mean, what if Arryn wakes up?"  
  
Elrond was watching his slumbering son. "He should not. It will be perfectly safe."  
  
"But Ada! Arryn is mad! He killed Filgor when he awoke to see him standing over him! What if he doesn't recognize Elrohir?" Elladan was beside himself with worry.  
  
"Elladan, calm down. I gave Arryn enough sedative to keep him asleep for at least a day. Elrohir *needs* to be here with him. If you are so worried, take the other bed here, so you can be here in case something happens."  
  
Elladan did not look pacified, but he realized the sense in his father's words. Elrohir *did* need to be near his lover, he could feel the stress slowly breaking his brother. The time together would do them good. He nodded his acceptance and lay down on the bed opposite his brother's.  
  
Elrond took one last look around the peaceful room, and then retired to his own chambers. As he left he did not notice the eyes of his supposedly sleeping son wide open in the dark, filled with fear for his lover.  
  
*~*~*  
  
The frantic pounding on his door jerked Elrond back into consciousness. Groaning in a very un-lordly way, he rolled out of bed and staggered to the door. "What is it?" he asked blearily. "Is there something wrong with Arryn?"  
  
Elladan was on the other side. "Ada, please. Come quickly. He has woken, and is trying to destroy the room!"  
  
Elrond pulled the door open fully, rushing out into the hall, not bothering to pull on his robes of office. He wouldn't need them anyway; the loose breeches and shirt he wore were covering enough in the humid summer air.  
The Elven lord ran down the corridor, his son trailing after him, speaking frantically. "He woke up about twenty minutes ago, and was fairly calm, but when Elrohir awoke and touched his shoulder, he spun and threw him against the far wall. He was hitting Elrohir, punching him in the stomach, face, everywhere he could hit. It took three of us to pull him off."  
  
"How is Elrohir?" Elrond questioned, fearing for his other sons' well being, physically and mentally.   
  
"I do not know, after we had Arryn restrained, I left to get you," his son said guiltily.  
  
The two Elves reached the entrance to the Halls of Healing, and burst in the door. Elrond's eyes were drawn to the slight redheaded figure lying on the bed, being forcefully restrained from movement by four burly guards. The lord quickly crossed to stand beside the prone body, looking cautiously into the frantically darting eyes. Arryn's copper hair was plastered to his forehead; his lips were bleeding from being bitten through.  
  
Elrond looked up. Elrohir was standing on the other side of the redhead, trying to soothe him with light strokes on his hair, and whispering endearments to him. The other looked up at him despairingly. "Ada, what is wrong with him? He does not even know me."  
  
Elrond did not answer, instead turning away to the shelves to fetch a calming medicine. He pulled out a vial of red liquid, and unstoppered it. Walking back over to his patient, he told the guards, "Hold him tightly. I have to get this in his mouth- he will not like it." To Elladan, he instructed to pry open the clenched mouth. Elrohir tried to help, but Elrond told him to keep doing as he already was, calming him down.   
  
It took several tries and not a few minutes, but they succeeded in getting Arryn to swallow the potion. Soon, the elf was unconscious on the bed, utterly unaware of the turmoil and pain around him.  
  
*~*~*  
  
Elrohir followed his father silently back to the lord's chambers, trying not to remember the insane shrieks of his lover just a few hours ago. The elder elf opened the door and allowed his son to enter before him. Elrohir calmly walked over to the balcony before starting to shake. Elrond caught him just before his knees gave out, and held him close as sobs wracked his frame.   
  
Easily picking up his son, the lord carried his burden over to the bed, before settling down on the soft blankets, still cradling the distressed elf. Rocking gently, Elrond offered no words of comfort; for there were none to be said. He let Elrohir alternately cry and rage against him, allowed him to batter his chest with futile fists, and then held him as his strength gave out and the elf finally gave in to an exhausted sleep.   
  
This was how Elladan found the two the next morning, the elder with his arms wrapped around his son, the child-who-was-not with his head pillowed upon his father's breast. The dark-haired elf silently let himself into the room, lying down on the bed beside his family. He wrapped a soft arm around his brother and father, holding them both against the terrors of the waking world.  
  
"What are we going to do? he wondered.  
  
*~*~*  
  
Elrohir woke first, startled from a dream of his lover. He turned over, seeking the warmth of Arryn's body, and came face-to-face with his brother. He jerked back, and then realized that he was resting against his father's chest. Confused, he tried to remember why he was in his Ada's room.   
  
His movements had awoken Elrond, and the ancient elf reached up, petting Elrohir's hair. "Ada," Elrohir sighed, relaxing against him. "I had the most awful dream. I dreamed that Arryn had been captured by orcs, and that they had driven him mad... it was terrible. He did not recognize me, Ada, and when I tried to comfort him, he attacked me." Elrond did not answer.   
  
"Ada?" Elrohir asked plaintively, looking up into the elf's sad gray eyes. He looked down to see his twin looking at him with the same sadness. "It... It was not a dream... was it?"  
  
Elladan shook his head; tears spilled down his cheeks. "Oh, Elrohir, I'm so sorry..."  
  
"No..." he whimpered, burying his head in his father's chest. "No... It can't be true... It cannot be..." He barely felt it when the other two wrapped their arms around him, holding him, and sharing in his grief.   
  
Elrohir violently shrugged out of the two embraces. "NO!" he shouted. "You are lying! He is not mad! He is not!" He took several deep, frantic breaths. "Elladan!" he cried. "You promised! You said that he would be alright! You *promised* that he would be alright!" With a betrayed look at his brother, he ran from the room, colliding with Glorfindel as he left. Stunned, the blonde elf picked himself up from the floor and entered his lord's rooms.   
  
Elrond and Elladan were climbing off the bed to follow, and both looked up worriedly as Glorfindel entered. "Is Arryn alright?" Elladan asked immediately.   
  
"Yes," the lord answered. "But he will awaken soon, I believe. You may want to be there, especially if Elrohir is headed there at this very moment."  
  
For the second time in only a few hours, Elrond found himself running down the hall at full tilt, with Elladan just behind. The three entered to see Elrohir sitting beside the unconscious body of his lover, holding his hand and stroking his hair back. The grief-stricken elf was whispering to his lover, and it pained all three observers to hear what he said.  
  
Glorfindel touched his lord's hand and the three quietly slipped out, shutting the door enough to give the two inside some privacy. None were trying to over hear what was said, but it brought sadness to all those around to listen to the one-sided conversation.  
  
Elrond and Elladan exchanged distraught looks. What were they going to do?  
  
*~*~*  
  
Elrohir sat on the edge of the bed, his love's cold hand in his, gently brushing back the once-fiery red hair from his unseeing eyes. He was unaware that he spoke, and from that moment on could never have told another soul what happened.   
  
"Arryn," he whispered, "Arryn, can you hear me?" He received no answer, but he went on talking anyway. "They tell me that you are mad, my love. My brother and my father say that you are mad. I did not want to believe it; I did not believe it for as long as I could, but oh my love. Last night, I was there, it was me there trying to comfort you, and you did not recognize me. We are lovers and you did not even know my touch. Oh love, I am so frightened. What will I do without you?"  
  
Elrohir leaned forward and rested his head on the broad chest, pushing his nose into Arryn's neck. He felt hot tears creeping out of the corners of his eyes, and tried to squeeze his eyes shut to keep the tears at bay, but it was no use. He clung to his unresponsive lover and cried like a small child, devastated at the thought of losing his beloved. He looked up very slowly when he felt the hand rest on his back lightly. He looked into his lover's eyes: awake, but unaware. He saw Arryn's hand on his back, but there was no consciousness in the dull green eyes. Elrohir leaned forward desperately and kissed the slack mouth, but once more there was no response.   
  
Another bout of sobs caught in his throat. His lover was gone, all that was left was a hollow shell, and Elrohir knew that there was nothing of Arryn left to him. When the sedative wore off, the redhead would become like the orcs that had tormented him: violent, cruel, and unfeeling.   
  
Stumbling back from the bed, Elrohir felt the hand on his back slide away to fall limply back on the bed. Eyes wide to prevent more tears, he turned from the sight and looked at the shelves around him. Nightshade, nightshade and aconite, that was what he needed.   
  
With shaking hands, he took down the vial, and carefully unstoppered it. Slowly so as not to spill any, he walked back to the bed, looking down at the shell below him. He leaned down once more to press a kiss to the lips of his once-lover, and carefully poured some of the liquid into the mouth of he-that-was-Arryn. Elrohir massaged the white throat and felt it when he swallowed.   
  
He replaced the stopper, put the vial of poison away, washed his hands in the basin, and was about to leave when he looked back at the body on the bed. He watched as the beautiful green eyes of the one he had loved closed forever. Sighing, he walked back over, and pulled a sheet off another bed, then covered the corpse, pausing only to touch its cheek once more before pulling the sheet over its face.  
  
Elrohir pushed the door open, looking unsurprised at the audience outside. He glanced at his father, noting the tear-tracks on his face. Elrohir opened his mouth as if to speak, but did not, turning instead to head back down the hall to his room.  
  
Elladan found him later in Arryn's chambers, lying on the bed, curled around tightly around a pillow. The twin quietly walked over, and sat on the bed beside him. He was not acknowledged for a long time.   
  
Finally, Elrohir spoke. "I leave on the morrow. I go to hunt all orcs. To revenge both Mother, and now Arryn. Will you accompany me?"  
  
Elladan nodded, not trusting his voice to speak. He left the room as silently as he had come, going to speak to his father about provisions. As he left, he heard a soft sob behind him, but did not stop, leaving Elrohir to his memories and his tears. 


	3. Interlude

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
Interlude  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Fall From Grace  
  
Standard Disclaimer: Most of this is his; heck if it was mine, well let's just say that I certainly wouldn't be writing fanfiction to the Internet… Only Arryn is mine, and that's doubtful, too. He keeps running off with a certain elf-twin…  
  
Summary: An interlude about what was going on in Arryn's mind when he was in the hands of the orcs, and a bit of his madness explained. I'm so mean to my characters…  
  
  
  
Misery - - The Moffats  
  
I cry myself to sleep again tonight  
'Cause I cannot hold you tight  
I wish I could see you again tomorrow  
To take all this sorrow sorrow I'm hollow  
  
When I touch you, can you feel it?  
When I need you, can you give it?  
When I look in your eyes, can you see me?  
When I fall fall, will you catch me catch me catch me?  
  
~*~*~  
  
Arryn shook himself awake, swallowing the cries that threatened to emerge from him. His every muscle quivered with tension; the orcs were returning. Wildly, his eyes darted up, searching frantically for light; any kind of light.   
  
The orcs grunted their way over to him, standing over him, ghoulishly grinning. The leader, a great hulk of a brute, even for an Uruk-Hai, reached a gnarled, bony hand down and ran its fingers up Arryn's back in a parody of tenderness.  
  
He squirmed, memories of Elrohir doing the same thing overlapping clangingly in his mind. He shuddered, and the orcs laughed, broken teeth gleaming blackly in the dim light of the torches. The leader wound a think arm around Arryn's neck, yanking the elf upward, and shoving him face-first against the nearest wall.   
  
Arryn tried to stifle the sounds coming from his throat, but could not hold in a strangled gasp as the orc entered him roughly. The elf closed his eyes, retreating to the place where all was white and soft and full of light. He fancied it as Elrohir and his room in Imladris: the windows glassless and clear, so open that the trees extended branches into the room, and birds flew freely through. The stars shone brightly down on them as they made love, the sky smiling and twinkling through her tears. But why was she crying? Wasn't it a beautiful sight? Yes, she whispered, yes, if only it were real, my dearest….  
  
//Isn't it real? Oh Elrohir….//  
  
The sensations from outside penetrated vaguely. His cheek hurt; sharp edges of rock dug into his skin. His wrists burned from the ropes chafing him. He felt his skin tear, and felt the blood slide slowly down his thighs, an odd tickling. Abruptly, his consciousness returned. It was always jarring, this return to reality.   
  
The orc was rutting into him, his scent foul and reeking. Arryn couldn't keep a gag down as another orc shoved a rigid cock down his throat. He was slapped harshly for that, too harshly, and he fell into blessed oblivion, desperately seeking out the room where the stars spoke and he was with Elrohir again. //Oh Elrohir….//  
  
~*~*~  
  
The room was white and soft and full of light. The windows were glassless and clear, so open that the trees extended branches into the room, and birds flew freely through. The stars shone brightly down on them as Arryn and Elrohir laid together, the sky smiling and twinkling.   
  
The two elves lounged lazily on the bed, kissing softly, enjoying each other's nearness. They ran slow hands over relaxed bodies, reacquainting themselves with the contours of limbs and torsos. Arryn smiled mischievously, and before Elrohir had the presence of mind to be concerned, his lover had kissed his way down his stomach, and had enclosed his mouth around the elf's arousal. Suckling gently at the tip, Arryn smiled against his lover's skin, and took him in deeper. With a cry, Elrohir exploded, and the red head swallowed greedily.   
  
Arryn watched his lover, saw him surrendering to the ecstasy he felt. He was so happy to be home; the pain of their long separation, and the orc attacks were almost stifling. He smiled, feeling Elrohir's quiet hum of pleasure. It was not often that Arryn saw this utter abandon on the face below him; it was only when they were safe in their home that he allowed himself to relax this much. Arryn felt a ridiculous satisfaction that he was the only one who was privileged to see this trust.   
  
Collapsing gently onto his taller lover, the red-haired elf pushed his nose into the others' neck. They were silent for a moment, and then Arryn lifted his head and placed a gentle kiss on the parted lips. "My Elrohir…" he whispered, and felt the soft ghost of a breath in reply. "Always."  
  
They stayed like that, nestled against one another, before Arryn's own need made itself apparent. Smiling knowingly, Elrohir shifted under him, and opened his legs to allow his lover access. Smoothly, they joined, soft moans and whispers of love holding testament to the passion they created.   
  
Arryn looked up, searching for the stars and their silent blessing. He saw the sky above him, saw the stars in all their glory, and the Lady Sky was smiling through her tears. But why was she crying? Wasn't it a beautiful sight? Yes, she whispered, yes, if only it were real, my dearest-  
  
Arryn opened his eyes. Sounds assaulted his ears-it was too dark yet for his eyes to make out any shapes. He was sheathed inside Elrohir… no.   
  
Not Elrohir. Feeling a dull horror begin to crawl up his throat, he looked down, eyes wide and petrified. Orcish laughter greeted him; harsh growls and snarls, evil parodies of mirth. His eyes adjusted, and he saw himself, as if from afar. What was this? An Elf, locked in passion with an orc?   
  
//Oh Valar no please no anything but that Elbereth no please help me oh Elrohir can you ever forgive me? oh please Elrohir I'm sorry please forgive me Elrohir…//  
  
The orc grunted and thrust up, impaling itself deeper. The harsh, twisted laughter broke through Arryn's daze, just as the orc under him groaned one last time and spilled hot, reeking seed between their bellies. Arryn screamed and pulled back, away. The orcs around him grabbed his arms and held him still. "Not so pure now, are you, pretty elf?" they hissed, delighted.   
  
Arryn screamed and screamed, unable to accept what he had done, and gradually he felt himself going away, but it wasn't to a soft white room filled with light. It was a dark cave, inhabited by demons, and they laughed and called to him in imitation of his lover's voice: "Arryn, how could you do this? Arryn, don't you love me?"   
  
Thousands of reflections of the much-loved face, all twisted with betrayal and anger. //no Elrohir I'm sorry please forgive me…//   
  
~*~*~  
  
The room was white and soft and full of light; their room in Imladris. The windows were glassless and clear; so open that the trees extended branches into the room, and birds flew freely through. The stars shone brightly down on them as they made love, the sky smiling and twinkling through her tears. Oh my dearest, she whispered, yes, it was a beautiful sight. If only your peace were real.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ 


	4. Chapter 3

Elladan woke slowly, feeling unaccountably rested. He stretched luxuriously, feeling the muscles in his arms and back as they pulled deliciously. He lay still a moment, suddenly wondering. He wasn't used to sleeping this long-why hadn't Elrohir awakened him for his watch?  
Alarmed, he sat up, looking for his twin. He didn't see him. Scrambling to his feet, he looked 'round again, dark thoughts of finding his brother dead were screaming in his head.   
"Elladan," the voice was soft, quiet and vaguely amused. "I'm over here."  
  
The twin spun around, and he forced a laugh as he recognized Elrohir reclining at the base of a tree not ten feet away from him. "Gods, Brother! Do not do that to me! I feared you had gone and--" he cut himself off, abruptly.  
  
"Killed myself?" came the bitter reply. "Have no fear, Brother Mine, I would not do that to you." Elrohir rose gracefully from the tree bole and walked up to his flustered twin, putting a hand on the others' shoulder. He smiled slightly. "I know how I would feel if you left me-I would not do that to you. You are my tie to Ea, Elladan, and I both love and hate you for it." With that less-than-comforting reply, he turned away and set about packing up their campsite. "Come Elladan. We must depart soon if we are to reach Imladris today."   
  
Shaking himself, Elladan went to join his twin. "Why did you not wake me for my watch?" he questioned, feeling anger burn in his belly.  
  
"I was not tired," came the expected response.  
  
"You are NEVER tired!" Elladan burst out, his temper getting the better of him. "Yet you never sleep! How is that possible, Elrohir?"  
  
"I cannot dream if I do not sleep." Elrohir replied, unfazed by his brother's fury.   
  
"You are going to make yourself ill if you do not rest!" Elladan yelled.  
  
"I do not see how that is any concern of yours."   
  
"I am your BROTHER! You ARE my concern!"  
  
"Then you are a fool." The quiet words drove a dagger into Elladan's heart, but anger was quick to staunch the flow of blood. With a face gone white with fury, he stepped forward and backhanded his brother as hard as he could. Stunned, Elrohir's head snapped back and he stumbled a few steps; he fell gracelessly to the ground, where he looked up with wide eyes. The elf brought a hand up to his mouth and it came away bloody, his teeth had cut through his lip. He stared at the blood dazedly, in shock.  
  
…arryn please, love it's me, it's elrohir, please calm down, it's alright, i love you, it's alright love calm down, please 'tis elrohir, 'tis just me, shhh, I love you, shhh my love hush...  
  
"…Elrohir…" Elladan was kneeling on the ground beside him, clinging to him and crying. "I am so sorry, brother, please, I am sorry, my temper got the better of me, please forgive me, Elrohir, please…"   
  
Elrohir shoved him away wildly, springing to his feet. When Elladan reached out to him, he screamed, "No! Do not touch me!" The elf was shaking in great ripples like a lake surface, his face was white and blood stained his chin. He focused his eyes of his brother, and took in his miserable form. Elladan held his hand out again, and Elrohir shook his head. "No, please… just-leave me be." He desolately turned away, and seized a cloth, cleaning the blood away raggedly before continuing to ready himself for the road.   
  
Elladan knelt where he was for a long moment, watching, before he got to his feet and packed his things, silent.  
  
*~*~*  
  
The return of the twin sons of Elrond to the Valley of Imladris was a much-celebrated event; it had been several years since the twins had last been home. At the last Homely House, things were in an uproar. The Lady Arwen had just arrived earlier that day and was still settling in. Servants and Lords alike bustled around each other, preparing for the great feast that was planned for that evening.   
  
When the sentries caught sight of the rising cloud of dust on eth road, they gave up great whoops, whistling signals back and forth like Wood Elves until word finally reached Lord Elrond's ear.   
  
Heaving a great sigh, Elrond dismissed the servant delivering the news, and passed through a small, concealed door to the room next to his. Stepping carefully into the sitting room, he caught sight of a blonde Eldar, slouched over his desk, fast asleep.  
  
Elrond smiled indulgently and crossed over to the other elf. Gently, he smoothed the golden locks back behind a pointed ear. He leaned forward, and ghosted a breath along the sensitive point. "Glorfindel..." he whispered. "Wake up, melethron."  
  
Without even a slight start, Glorfindel lifted his head, and kissed the other's mouth. "With such a sight to wake up to, how can I not?" He smiled against his lips, then kissed the half-elf once more. They both drew back at the same moment, recalling their duties.   
  
Elrond cleared his throat. "Much as I would like to continue along this path, my sons are arriving as we speak."  
  
Glorfindel sighed ruefully. "I am sorry I fell asleep, my Lord, I should have been working."  
  
"Nonsense." Elrond brushed off the apology. "You have barely slept since you heard of the twins' return. You are allowed some respite." The half-elf slid his hands down the broad shoulders and linked them around Glorfindel's middle, holding the blonde tightly. "I need you awake and aware." He took a deep breath. "Are you ready?"  
  
Glorfindel blinked and nodded, not trusting his voice. It would be very hard to see the twins again; they all had horrible memories they had yet to get over. Arryn's death hung over them all like a cloud. Elrond knew from Elladan's letters that dreams of Arryn constantly plagued Elrohir. *He dreams that Arryn is angry.* his son wrote. *He speaks in his sleep, mumbling that he did not wish to leave him, that he is sorry. He begs for absolution. It is heartbreaking, Ada. What should I do?*   
  
Elrond shook himself, freeing his mind from the memories. His children would all be with him soon; he could determine a course of action with regards to Elrohir later. He gave Glorfindel one more squeeze, the released him. "Come, melethron. Let us go out to meet them.  
  
*~*~*  
  
The twins, when they arrived were a silent, somber pair. Elrond was surprised when they embraced him one at a time; usually they both leapt on him like a pair of monkeys and brought all three of them to a pile on the ground. They were all disturbed by the bruises around Elrohir's mouth, but were silent about them.  
  
The twins greeted Glorfindel and Arwen cordially, bowing to the blonde and kissing their sister's cheek politely. Glorfindel took Elrohir's arm and steered him away to the room that was being prepared for him-he had expressed that he did not want o sleep in his old room.  
  
Elrond and Arwen were left with Elladan, who looked at them miserably.   
  
"Elladan," came Arwen's soft voice. "What had happened?"  
  
Elladan swallowed visibly. "I hit him," he said quietly. "I hit him... I was so angry, and I hit him!" The words were quietly said, but they were so loud that all who heard felt pain. "He is still mourning Arryn. Father, it has been over twenty years! Surely he should be moving on!"  
  
Elrond shrugged helplessly. "They were truly in love, Elladan. One does not just forget something that pure. Give him time."  
  
"Does he still dream, Elladan?" Arwen asked. "He told Grandfather that he had dreams of Arryn."  
  
"You speak of the nightmares he wakes up screaming and sobbing from?"  
  
"He still does then?" Elrond sighed. "Very well. I will slip him something for dreamless sleep. Come, my children-let us head in-it is almost time for the feast."  
  
*~*~*  
  
Elrohir sat back and watched the elves around him as they danced and sang. He watched two elves, male and very much in love, as they held each other tightly, swaying, heads contentedly resting on the others shoulders.  
  
//Oh Arryn...// Loneliness struck him in a wave of desolation. He once knew that closeness, that blind love that let one drop one's guard and trust. He missed that feeling.   
  
Elrohir shook himself, feeling his resolve quake. Glancing about, he decided that he had been sociable long enough. With a quick look around for his father, Elrohir slipped quietly onto the balcony and into the night air. He wandered the gardens, walking in sweet memory. It had been far too long since he was last home.  
  
Elrohir sat on the stone bench, lost in his thought. He heard a slight rustling in the rosebush behind him. He leapt to his feet, hand going automatically to his side for the dagger that was not there He cursed himself inwardly, dropping to a fighters crouch.  
  
He held his breath, waiting for the attack. With a quiet "mrrow," a small cat wandered out from under the leaves. She stalked up to him, cool as you please, and reached one delicate paw up and swiped at his chin. Startled, Elrohir jerked back, and promptly fell on his rear.   
  
The roar of laughter from the trees alerted him to the presence of another, and quicker that thought, he was at the tree base. Catching hold of a dangling foot, Elrohir yarded as hard as he could, darting out of the way as a body fell to the ground. "Who are you? What are you doing here?" he asked angrily. "And is this your cat?" His face softened when he saw the person look up at him; it was only a boy.   
  
"I am Estel. I live here! What are *you* doing here?"   
  
"I am Lord Elrohir. *I* live here."  
  
The boy's face opened in astonishment. "You are Elrohir? Elrond's son?"  
  
Elrohir felt a smile tug at his lips. "I am one of them, yes."  
  
"Elrond has told me much about you. He… he is very sad when you are away. I think he misses you." Estel looked as if he were unsure what the elf's reaction would be.   
  
"I am sad when I leave here. I know I miss him." Elrohir found himself explaining. "I have to leave, though. My twin and I, we hunt orcs."  
  
"Why?" Such a simple question, such a complicated answer.  
  
"Because, because-Estel. What do you know of honor?"  
  
"I know that honor is what good men uphold to. It is something that makes men keep their word, that allows them to do things like rescue maidens," The boy's face turned sour. "It gives them an excuse to do bad things, and they can say it is done for honor."  
  
"Honor isn't always such a bad thing. It can be very good. I hunt orcs because a long time ago, my... my lover was captured by orcs. He was tortured; and went mad from it. I hunt all orcs in vengeance." Elrohir couldn't for the life of him figure out why he was telling this strange boy about Arryn.  
  
The boy looked saddened. "I am sorry, my lord. I lost my father to orcs as well."  
  
"I am sorry." Elrohir looked up at the moon. "It is getting late. Will you join me in my father's house this evening? I daresay it will be difficult for you to return home tonight."  
  
Estel smiled. "I told you, I live here, too!" Elrohir raised his eyebrow. "I do!"  
  
"Alright." Elrohir smiled a bit. "Then let us return home." The cat had returned and was twining herself around Estel's legs. "Ah ha! That *is* your cat!" He glared at her.  
  
Estel laughed, light and joyous. "Of course she is! She lives here, too!"  
  
With a slight laugh, Elrohir herded the small company towards the lit windows of the Last Homely House.  
  
  
*~*~*  
  
"Father," little Estel asked, sitting on the elf's desk as he swung his legs slowly. "Why does Elrohir never smile anymore?"  
  
Elrond sat back, abandoning any hope of finishing work. He sighed, and tried to figure out how to explain. "Did he tell you about Arryn, at all?"  
  
"Was Arryn his lover? The one whom the orcs hurt?"  
  
Elrond winced. "Yes. Arryn was brought here, to be healed. But I couldn't heal him; he was… he was no longer himself."  
  
Estel nodded. "Elrohir said he went mad."  
  
"Yes, Estel. He did. Elrohir does not smile, I imagine, because all he remembers of his home now, are memories of how we couldn't help his love. I-I wish it could have been different. Arryn was a wonderful elf, full of laughter and always singing. He made Elrohir so happy."  
  
They were silent for a moment, Estel trying to understand the depths of what he had just learned.   
  
"Come my son. Let us get you to bed."  
  
For once, Estel did not protest, allowing Elrond to pick him up, even though he was really far too old to be carried. And when the older elf slid into bed with him, holding him close, he still did not speak, knowing somehow that Elrond was not really holding him, but a son he was slowly losing.  
  
*~*~*  
  
Estel was scared. Every night, he heard the most horrifying screams coming from the room next to his. Finally, he could stand it no longer. Feeling a surge of bravery, he snuck out of his bed, and crept towards the door. He looked back quickly, and grabbed his stuffed horse. Glorfindel had made it for him when he was still a baby. He really was too old to have such things, being all of eight, but still; a little extra protection never hurt.   
  
Another scream came through the door. Shaking only a little bit, Estel carefully opened his door, and slid silently down the hall. One… two… three doors… there. He tried the door; it was unlocked, much to his surprise. Holding the horse out in front of him like a shield, he slipped inside. Immediately his gaze was drawn to the bed, where a figure thrashed and cried. Oh. It was just a person having a bad dream. Well, he had better wake them up; he knew that bad dreams were not nice.   
  
Feeling very honorable (was this honor as Elrohir saw it?); he walked over to the bed and gently touched the shoulder of the dreamer. Estel yelled in surprise as he was flipped over the person and pinned to the bed, wild eyes boring into his. The child was very conscious of the hand wrapped around his throat.   
  
With a startled cry, the elf released the boy and sat up, breathing raggedly. "Elrohir?" Estel asked warily. "Are you alright?"  
  
"I am fine, Estel. What are you doing here?" Though he didn't look fine; if anything, the elf looked as if he would shake himself into a hole.   
  
"I heard you screaming. Were you dreaming about Arryn?" The words, though innocently said, made Elrohir want to cry.   
  
"Yes, Estel. I was dreaming about Arryn." He buried his head in his knees. "I dream that he is angry with me… that he blames me for his death. His eyes haunt me. Oh, Estel. I miss him."  
  
Not knowing what to do, Estel simply sat there. Searching about for inspiration, his eyes fell on his stuffed horse. With a smile, he reached down and picked up the toy, and presented it to the distraught elf with a flourish. Elrohir looked blankly at it for a moment, before reaching a hand over to grasp it.   
  
"Glorfindel made him for me. He protects me from bad dreams, but I'll let you sleep with him, if you'd like," Estel gallantly gave up his protector, but Elrohir could see the worry that was infusing the boy at the loss of his toy. Smiling a bit, Elrohir hugged the animal close.   
  
"I'll tell you what, Estel. I…don't really want to be alone right now. Will you sleep with me?" Elrohir looked up into his face, and was secretly relieved when the boy smiled and accepted, burrowing deep under the covers beside Elrohir. Turning to face the child, he held out the horse, and smiled as Estel reached over to hold the toy close to his chest. The elf, in turn, held the child close. He hadn't been lying when he said he didn't want to sleep alone. Estel didn't need know that it wasn't his company that Elrohir longed for.  
  
Just before sleep claimed the elf, he saw green eyes, sparking with yellow joy, dancing in front of his eyes. 


	5. Chapter 4

Pairings: Elrohir/Arryn, Glorfindel/Elrond  
  
Notes/Begging: is anyone even reading this? please PLEASE review if you are. last chapter, ever, i think. on with it!  
  
*~*~*  
  
The twins had been in Imladris for a month before Elrohir began to sicken. It had been slow and gradual, but inevitable, Elrond reflected, cursing himself for not seeing it sooner. Estel and Elrohir had been at the river, picking wildflowers for Arwen, when suddenly Elrohir fainted. Wild with worry, Estel had hauled his friend onto his horse with an admirable display of strength. When the duo reached the House, the little boy had called and called the servants until Elrond was summoned and brought to his sons. Elrond had scooped his son up in his arms, and rushed down to the Halls of Healing, memories of Arryn haunting him.   
  
Estel was at the door again. "Father, how is he? Will Elrohir be alright? Father?" The boy's face was streaked with tears, and his lower lip shook. "I got him here as fast as I could! I tried, I did!"  
  
With a small noise, Elrond swooped down and picked up the small human boy. "Estel you did wonderfully! What is happening to Elrohir is not your fault!"  
  
The boy sniffled. "But will he be alright, Father?"  
  
Elrond was silent, somber. "I don't know Estel. He is grieving Arryn. He may come out of this and be just fine. But he may also succumb to the shadows and…"  
  
Estel sobbed and buried his face in his father's strong shoulder. "He has to get better! He has to!"  
  
Looking helplessly over Estel's head at Elladan and Arwen sitting on the bed next to Elrohir, he could not keep back the single tear that traced his cheek. Arwen saw this and turned and buried her face in Elladan's neck. The two elves held each other tightly, praying to Elbereth for the health of their beloved brother.   
  
Estel struggled free of his father's embrace, and raced to the door. When Elrond asked confusedly what he was doing, he cried: "I forgot!" and was gone.   
  
Shaking his head, Elrond turned back to his son, gently wiping his forehead with a cool cloth. Elrohir shifted and moaned beneath his touch. The Elf Lord put the cloth back on the table, and leaned over to kiss his son's brow. "Naamarie, Elrohir."  
  
Looking to Elladan, he tried to smile. "He will be alright, Elladan. I am sure of it." He crossed the room to stand before the two weeping elves. "Elrohir is strong. He will survive." He leaned down, enfolding both his children in his arms, holding them tightly. "I am going to get some rest. Will you watch him for a while, Elladan? I will be back before long."   
  
The dark haired elf nodded wearily. "I will, Ada. Thank you."  
  
Arwen looked up. "Glorfindel is waiting for you Ada. Go to him."  
  
Estel burst into the room, holding a small stuffed horse. "I forgot to give this to him! He will have bad dreams if Kellye isn't with him!"   
  
Elrond smiled at the childish notion. Estel walked firmly over to Elrohir, and tucked the horse under the elf's arm, smoothing the creases in the sheets covering him. With a quick look around, Estel leaned forward, and kissed the elf, who moaned and moved into the touch. Elrond smiled and patted the boy's shoulder, leaving the room, looking for his love, Glorfindel. Arwen followed him out.   
  
Estel chanced a look at Elladan, whom he had never liked much, and was startled to discover that the elf was standing behind him, looking at him with a very odd look on his face. "You brought Elrohir back to the House. That is an amazing feat for one so young- however did you lift him?"  
  
Estel felt for some reason that he had to defend himself. "I didn't carry him, I dragged him, then his horse knelt on the ground, and I lifted him onto its back. He wasn't that heavy; or did you not realize how little he eats?"  
  
"I realized. I despaired. He speaks to you: I cannot get him to reveal anything to me. You are but a child," his tone was not scathing, but wondrous. "What does he see in you?" He sounded truly curious.   
  
Estel looked at the floor. "I do not know, but I very much value his friendship. Elrohir is very dear to me."  
  
"As he is to me." Elladan suddenly seemed to come back to himself. "Is it not time for you to go to bed?" He said brusquely.   
  
Estel looked once more to the figure on the bed, and then looked back down at the floor. "I was actually wondering…" he chanced a look up at the older elf. "Could I… could I stay with him?"   
  
Elladan was surprised to say the least. "I suppose so. Take the bed across from him."  
  
Estel swallowed and nodded; eyes back on the floor. He walked over to the bed and crawled in. He watched through half-closed eyes as Elladan leaned over his twin, and once more wiped the cloth across his forehead. The elf returned to the chair under the window, sitting slowly, watching his brother worriedly.   
  
Sometime after midnight, Elladan finally fell asleep. Estel silently slipped out of bed, and crossed to Elrohir's bed. He smiled to see the horse still firmly tucked beneath Elrohir's arm, and gently patted its ragged but well-loved face. He opened the sheets, and slid into them, automatically curling up around the cold body. The boy rested his head on Elrohir's chest, feeling the reassuring heartbeat, slow and strong. He hugged the prone form, feeling tears prick at the corners of his eyes. //you can't die! I won't let you!//  
  
Sleep called to him, so he didn't feel it when Elladan slipped into the bed behind him, holding their slumbering forms.  
  
*~*~*  
  
Elrond opened the door to the Halls of Healing, and smiled at the sight before him. Elrohir was embraced by Estel and Estel in turn embraced by Elladan. Glorfindel peeked his head in at his lord's wave and almost laughed. "What do you say we leave them for a while?" the blonde whispered into Elrond's ear. "Hmmm. Sounds good." Elrond kissed Glorfindel's cheek, and turned to go.   
  
As he turned he caught sight of a small movement. The two Elf lords watched in awe as Elrohir raised his arm, and embraced both his twin and his young friend. He opened his eyes, looking bemused at the two sleeping faces. His bemused look changed to a grin as he noticed the small stuffed toy that had migrated from his arm, back to Estel's embrace. Elrohir heard a small noise, and turned his head to the door. He smiled and nodded sleepily at his father and Glorfindel, who were holding on to each other tightly. Sighing, Elrohir turned his head back to his brothers, and nestled his head in between Elladan's and Estel's, succumbing back to sleep almost immediately.  
  
Elrond embraced Glorfindel hard, nearly crying in his relief.   
  
*~*~*  
  
Elladan, Elrohir and Estel rode along the Bruinen, enjoying the clear day and each other's company. They at last stopped for their lunch, settling under a large willow, chosen for the screen of branches touching to the ground.   
  
"How are you brother? Are you truly well enough to be out here?" Elladan asked worriedly.  
  
"I am fine, Elladan! Besides, I have things I must say to you. To you both." Elrohir looked suitably exasperated at his brother's mother-henning. Estel snickered into his sandwich.   
  
Elrohir took a breath. "When I was unconscious, I saw things. I thought they were memories, but they weren't, at least, not all. They were images, sounds, experiences that I couldn't possibly have had. I saw the Sea. I saw Gondolin, great once more. I saw Mordor.  
  
"These couldn't have been my memories. I have come to decide that they are the memories of those I hold dear to me. I saw Arryn's parents, and his sister. Estel, I saw your father. I saw Arryn in the orcs hold. I knew what he was thinking, what he was feeling. I heard him call out to me; I knew when he went mad. But just before I awoke, I saw him. He was whole and unscarred, singing and laughing and as full of love as he always was.   
  
"He spoke to me, told me that he did not blame me for what happened to him. He said…many things, but mostly that I had a wonderful family who would do anything for me. And that I shouldn't throw you away by fading to grief. It was very poetic." Here Elrohir rolled his eyes, but the other two could see just how much Arryn's speech had affected him.   
  
"So, I wanted to thank you. Both of you. I owe you my life." With that, Elrohir rose to leave. The other two scrambled up, feeling somewhat awe by this speech. The elf parted the curtain of branches, and vanished through them. Estel and Elladan were left staring at each other, before Elrohir suddenly reappeared through the tree. He grabbed both of them, hugging them hard and fierce. They heard a whispered "Thank you," and then he was gone again.  
  
*~*~*  
  
That night, Estel once again crept down the hall, and slipped into Elrohir's room. The dark-haired elf was waiting for him, and as the boy slipped under the sheets, he found himself being presented with a certain small, stuffed horse. "You forgot him in the Hall. I had wanted to thank you for letting me use him; I know how dear he is to you."  
  
Estel shrugged, tying to be mature. "You needed him more." He pushed away the hand that tried to return the horse. "I'm too old for him anyhow. You keep him."  
  
Elrohir smiled, touched. He nestled the horse back into the crook of his arm, and wrapped the other around the boy. They were quiet for a long while, before Estel spoke.   
  
"Elrohir?"   
  
"Hmm?"  
  
"What you were talking about, today. Does this mean you're alright?"  
  
There was a silence, before Elrohir spoke again. "No." He paused. "But I'm heading in the right direction."  
  
And so, elf and child fell asleep, the small ragged horse clutched once again by the little child, protecting against bad dreams.   
  
  
~fin  
what did you think? pleaseohplease review!!! 


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